The Serval Zippers Sign

It’s Halloween, the day when we all get together and give ourselves the willies. Voluntarily.

It’s an amazing phenomenon, really.

A day before some of our churches tell us to honor All Saints and 2 days before some of our churches tell us to honor All Souls (ie. Anyone Who’s Dead At The Present Time), we all get to dress up and give each other a good laugh or a good scare or both. I always thought it fun, and never really bought into the whole “spooky” thing. I pretty much always had a good time on Halloween and my pants generally stay on as far as being scared goes.

Until this year.

I’ve found 4 words that send chills down my spine, that turn my hair whiter, that make me want to run screaming into the night:

World Champion Philadelphia Phillies.

Now THAT’S scary…

Mets at the Polo Grounds in color!

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Highlights from a very good year!

That’s just what the Giants did, but it was yesterday.

A huuuuuuuuuge win over the Steelers in Pittsburgh. A classic if there ever was one, a win that can be attributed to an interception, an injury to a long-snapper and a catch by a sure-handed tight end.

The Steelers certainly have big play ability — their 14 points came on 2 lightning bolts, one in each half. The Giants, meanwhile just chipped ground away, garnering their 14 points on 4 field goals and a safety. After the safety, they took the free kick back to about mid-field, and coverted it to the winning 6 almost immediately, with Eli Manning finding Kevin Boss in the middle of the end zone.

Big Blue now sports the mark of the elite team: they WILL find a way to win.

The 7-1 Giants now get Dallas — sans Tony Romo — at home next week.

FUN!

PS — The Phillies are up 3 games to 1. That is all…

A signature performance by the Rays last night. Smallball all over the place and juuuuuuuuuust enough pitching to hang on, 4-2.

Now it’s back to the CitzBath for weekend pleasantries.

Speaking of which…

The Woilds Champeen New York Giants are gonna have their hands full Sunday at the Ketchup Bottle. This is the premier matchup of the still-young NFL season, and the squads could not be more evenly matched. Pittsbugh has a solid young quarterback, a fierce defense and a muscular running game. Sound familiar? I think we’ll be looking at a 17-10…maybe 23-20 kind of game. Keeping ‘em all crossed that the Giants can be on the long end.

The Mets have named their coaches. All are coming back except Guy Conti (who goest whither Pedro goest), Ken Oberkfell (to whom I hope they hang on) and Luis (Let ‘Em Go!) Aguayo. The new 3B coach has one of the best baseball names of all time: Razor Shines. Let’s hope he keeps everybody sharp…

Well, the first game of the 2008 World Series is now a matter of history.

Cole Hamels was nothing short of brilliant for 7 innings and the Philly bullpen pulled off something the Mets’ ‘pen never could: two consecutive 1-2-3 innings. Now Tampa needs to blast Myers in order to have any kind of shot when when they get back to the CitzBath Bandbox — because those games look to be absolute bloodbaths with the power numbers these 2 teams have.

Hate to say it, but this looks like it’s gonna be a true Fall Classic.

Remember, you heard it here last…

WOW!

Talk about an unholy alliance…

The two teams I hate worst of anything on this Earth? The Skanks & the Cowflops? In bed together? And with Goldman-Sachs, yet?

YIKES!

Holy crap!

The Tampa Bay Rays did their best Mets imitation last night in game 5 of the ALCS.

Cruising along with a 7-0 lead into the bottom of the 7th, Tampa allowed the Sawx to hang around…and hang around…and hang around until JD Drew’s walk-off bingle in the 9th brought Bahst’n back from the dead.

As someone near and dear to our hearts would say, “OH, MY GOOD…GOODNESS GRACIOUS!”
……..

How high has Philadelphia scored on national literacy tests?

I’m always surprised they don’t get tripped up halfway through the E-A-G-L-E-S chant:

EEEEE! AAAAAY! JEEE! Um…um…

List of people who need to be dropped on their asses with the first Met fastballs of 2009:

Shane Victorino
Josh Willingham
Hanley Ramirez
Willie Harris
Lastings Milledge

…

Mike Francesa has lost his mind.

He’s got no New York baseball since September 28 and he’s got no Mad Dog to balance him out. So his rants about David Wright the last couple of days have served their dual purpose — a.) to rile up the Met fan, and 2.) to get people talking about a now largely irrelevent talk radio show. Bravo, Michael.

I think he could give a rat’s bee-hind about David Wright, unless he somehow winds up in the Bronx, in which case he’ll suddenly become the best thirdbaseman of all time.

In any case, here’s all you need to know about the Grand Bloviator with regards to David Wright: his quote from 2003 — “Who’s David Wright?”

Congratulations to the NL Champion Philadelphia Phillies.

Pardon me while I hurl my breakfast now.

Actually, I respect the Phillie team a lot, talent-wise. Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Pat Burrell, Jimmy Rollins…it’s never been a secret that I totally covet Jayson Werth for the Mets.

However…

Shane Victorino needs to leave his purse at home, and Bret Myers needs to pick on sombody his own sex. Those guys, you can keep.

Their phans have the biggest inferiority complex I’ve ever seen. Can’t blame them really…when you the “Little Brother” to New York, you gotta scrape for your own place in the world. So they invade Mets blogs & message boards to declare themselves kings of the world.

Newsflash: Just ’cause ya say it loud, don’t make it so.

So enjoy. You’ve earned it.

Now shut the phuck up…

Ugh!

Last night’s game was a real Cleveland steamer.

How can you get bitchslapped by the Browns of all people? And the thing is, as sloppy as the Giants played, this game turned on a dime. The Giants were down 27-14, but were driving and had the ball at the Cleveland 12 with 8:30 to go in the 4th quarter. The ESPN announcing team was praising the Giant offense up and down. Ron Jaworski: “The Giants are doing it right. They know they’re not gonna get all 13 points back in one shot. If they can score with 8 or 7 and-a-half minutes left, they’re in good shape.” Tony Kornheiser: “Yes, but they have to score here.” Mike Tirico: “Of course.” The words weren’t out of Tirico’s mouth 10 seconds when Eli Manning was intercepted by Eric Wright for a 94-yard Pick 6.

I cursed a lot and went to bed.

So the Woilds Champeens messed up a golden chance to put some distance between themselves and the rest of the division. They should be enjoying a 2-game divisional lead right now — which in the NFL is nearly a walkover — seeing as the Cowflops and Deadskins both lost on Sunday. Filthydelphia won, but they’ve already dug themselves into a substantial hole.

Stupid Giants…